Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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