Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's rum buckets o'clock
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
