You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
