She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
