So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
