so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
