We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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