Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
