I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Bring me that man meat
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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