you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
