i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
