My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
