I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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