Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
