I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
