"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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