We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
