it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
