if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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