i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
