found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
