Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
