I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
