I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this just has baby written all over it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
