he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
