Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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