You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
