Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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