Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
