Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
