and you said cock pushups were impossible
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
