They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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