mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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