I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
