Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
time to smoke my breakfast
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
