yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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