I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
