I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I heard we made out
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
