It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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