I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
