And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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