Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
