Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
