I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i love accidental penises.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
