the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
