New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
