I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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