my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
