i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
