the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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