its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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