I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
